And so long as weird hippie girls are allowed to spout crackheaded theories at me in health food stores, I am allowed to make fun of them on the Internet.
The scene: Wild Oats Market, 44th & Main, near the display rack of “natural,” “health-enhancing” toothpastes.
The cast: Two middle-aged ladies, one weird hippie girl, me.
The opening: hippie girl is assisting the ladies in choosing toothpaste from a bewildering array of products, I approach to make my selection and get on with my shopping.
Hippie: Oh, excuse me!
Me: It’s okay, I know what I’m after (reaching for Tom’s of Main Cinnamint)
Hippie: What are you getting?
Me: Tom’s of Main, Cinnamint, with Flouride
Hippie: I was just explaining to these ladies why I don’t use flouride.
Me: Ah. (subtext: “please don’t tell me more”)
(further thoughts: “This could go one of three ways, cancer, Communists, or Nazis”)
Hippie: It was used for mind-control in Nazi Germany.
Me: Hmmmm. Well, I use flouride anyway.
(takes toothpaste, meanders on toward the cooler of tofu)
Hippie(deflated tone): Oh!
[…] got kind of a history of weird toothpaste-related issues with the Wild Oats (now Whole Foods) down on 44th & Main. […]